Do you feel you can never do anything right? Do you often compare yourself to others, and come out as the loser?
Many people (you?) wrestle with deep seated feelings of inadequacy. Frequently, this feeling has a long history and goes back to growing up with a critical mother or father. Maybe their parents openly blamed them, ridiculed or called them names. Maybe their criticism was more subtle, off gassing an air of impatience, superiority or disdain for the child’s pace and play.
In effect, the child (you?) learned that she is not good enough, faulty, or, like one of my clients sadly commented, “bad stock”. Once planted in the child’s mind (and secured through experiences of repeated criticism), this belief takes on a life of its own.
It keeps us meek, watching the lives of others from the security of our couch, afraid to make choices, afraid to commit. Or it jails us under the tyranny of perfectionism, riddled with anxiety, constantly seeking approval from others.
Such is the critical mass of inadequacy.
But are you doomed? Are you damned to choke on the noose around your neck? (Thank you, Mumford & Sons, for the lyrics!)
Hell no!
For starters, tell yourself, daily, that you are good enough, even with your flaws and imperfections. Repeat as needed, especially when other people (parents, partners, bosses) or circumstances (a breakup or other loss) try to tell you otherwise.
Become sensitive to your own critical tendencies toward others. It is not uncommon to inherit the critical voice of our parents and use it under our own disguise. Bring the critic out of hiding and make it public. This is the only place to disarm it.
Smile at it. Throw it a curve ball.
And listen to The Cave.
If you like to add critical mass to your efforts to overcome the legacy of inadequacy, give me a call. Two players are better than one.