When people come to therapy, they usually come because they are in pain. Life hurts, and it hurts more than they alone can handle. But while pain brings them to counseling, it is often not the pain that needs to be changed.
It is the fear that engenders it.
Pain is not a bad thing. It is evocative, practical, and inherently transforming. It moves stuck energies, dead-end patterns, lodged debris. In the yoga tradition, pain is seen as part of the human condition in response to samsara, the endless cycle of rebirth, life and death. We are born again and again to experience what it’s like to have a body and mind, with all its desires, gravities and bruises, until we awaken to the truth of our existence. What this truth exactly is, I have not yet figured out but there are markers on the road. The one that keeps popping up repeatedly is Love. The other one is Fearlessness.
Whether you are preparing for birth, a difficult conversation, an ending or a deep question, don’t dismiss pain. Let pain be part of your experience. Pain is not the target. Your fear is. Your fear to be seen, loved, held, to fail or make mistakes. Your fear to see your imperfections. Your fear to lose Love.
Don’t look for a life without pain. Go for a fearless life instead. Start there. Here are helpful ways to begin your fearless journey:
- Love yourself. You are Love, a beautiful marvel to behold, a treasure full of riches worthy of knowing.
- Envision yourself as strong and fearless. Journal, draw, meditate on your most powerful You.
- Envision yourself doing something fearlessly, every day.
- Do something you haven’t done before. This doesn’t have to be a big thing (and certainly shouldn’t be anything risky or unsafe). Take on a yoga pose you have been hesitating to try (under the guidance of an experienced teacher). Color your hair (or cut it).
- Say no.
- Apologize.
- Reach out. Help others less fortunate (and maybe more fearful) than you.
- Ask: What would Love have me do?