I recently gave a presentation on postpartum mental health to a group of new mothers. Each woman was in different state of attending to her newborn’s needs (nursing, rocking, holding, soothing, cuddling, burping) while they were talking with each other, sharing community resources, advice and their trials (and errors).
When it was time for my presentation, I decided to start with a meditation. I wanted to give these young mothers an opportunity to slow down, to breathe and to rest for a few moments. I remember how hard these moments were to come by when I was a new mother. (If you want to listen to a re-recording of this meditation, click on the link at the end of this post.)
It took a few minutes for the moms to settle, but eventually the room (including the babies) were calm. Their connection to a more centered experience (or possibility) of mothering was almost tangible. Shoulders dropped down just a bit, wrists softened, and diaphragms moved more effortlessly, warmed by a more relaxed (and content) solar plexus. For many new mothers, the solar plexus is out of balance. Mothering challenges the solar plexus like few other tasks in life. Learning how to take care of a baby, especially the first time around, can bring up all kinds of questions (and uncertainties) related to self-esteem, identity, power and will (the hallmarks of the solar plexus). This is often followed by increased anxiety.
No new mother wants to be anxious, but about one in three experience postpartum anxiety and depression. If you are among them, take A) comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and B) look at your anxiety the way one of my colleagues described it: as “a condition in search of content” (thank you, Gabriel!).
Sometimes anxiety is related to something tangible like an object you have misplaced and can’t find (I’m thinking car keys, wallets) or to a task that overwhelms you (like getting ready for a picnic with a friend who also just had a baby). But sometimes you feel anxious out of the blue and have no idea what got you wound up. Either way, whether you have a (rational) understanding of the reasons (content) of your anxiety or not, the search often goes on. Your mind keeps racing (and your body jittering) in pursuit of … what? A better explanation? Accurate recall? The missing keys?
Yes, yes and yes. Because they all can bring … relief. This is what anxiety is in search of. Feeling regulated, calm, content, at ease.
So let me suggest this: Next time you feel overwhelmed with anxiety, search for content within.
- Take note of what you are feeling (heart pounding, worry, rapid breath, annoyance etc).
- Assess for safety (will I or anyone suffer injury or harm in this situation?).
- Ask for help (call a friend, your partner, pray).
- Do the best you can to ground yourself:
- slow down your breathing/take two or three deep breaths
- count backwards from 27
- tap your shoulders alternately by crossing your arms in front of your chest [more about this EMDR informed technique in a later post]
- use positive self-affirmations
- place one hand [if available] on your solar plexus [located just below the diaphragm], breathe and visualize a warm yellow color
- play the 54321 game (name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell & 1 thing that you appreciate about yourself. This is always content worth looking for.